Wednesday, September 22, 2004
Each Year, the Darwin awards presents the dumbest people on this earth. From shooting yourself to giving $5 when you steal at a local convenience store, the 2004 Darwin Awards prove that there will always be someone dumber that 'you':
The 2004 Darwin Award Winners:
Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin
Awards are bestowed, honoring the least Evolved among us...or is
it those who most interestingly remove themselves from the gene
pool? Here are the glorious winners .
1. When his 38-calibre revolver failed to fire at his intended
victim during a holdup in Long Beach, California, would be robber James
Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down
the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.....
And now, the honorable mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat
cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to
his insurance company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out
one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine
and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved!
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his
car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a
woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus
driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be
transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to
admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and
offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the
passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the
patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The
deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from
serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked
how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply
trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before
he was hit.
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the
counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the
cashdrawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the
register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash
from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The
total amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15. (If someone
points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)
7. A thief burst into a Florida bank one day wearing a ski mask
and carrying a gun. Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief yelled,
"FREEZE, MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS A **** UP!" For a
moment, everyone was silent. Then the snickers started. The
security guard completely lost it and doubled over laughing. It
probably saved his life, because he'd been about to draw his gun.
He couldn't have drawn and fired before the thief got him. The
thief ran away and is still at large. In memory of the event, the
banker later put a plaque on the wall engraved with the words,
"Freeze, mother-stickers, this is a ****-up!"
8. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided
that he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window,
grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved
it over his head at the window. The cinderblock bounced back and
hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The
liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was
caught on videotape.
9. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man
grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and
the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the
snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They
put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out
of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he
replied, "Yes, officer, that's her.. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
10. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked
into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a
gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he
couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man
ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for
breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!
11. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home
parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained
for.. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled
up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman
said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged
his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The
owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was
the best laugh he'd ever had.
The 2004 Darwin Award Winners:
Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin
Awards are bestowed, honoring the least Evolved among us...or is
it those who most interestingly remove themselves from the gene
pool? Here are the glorious winners .
1. When his 38-calibre revolver failed to fire at his intended
victim during a holdup in Long Beach, California, would be robber James
Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down
the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.....
And now, the honorable mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat
cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to
his insurance company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out
one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine
and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved!
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his
car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a
woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus
driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be
transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to
admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and
offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the
passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the
patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The
deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from
serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked
how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply
trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before
he was hit.
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the
counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the
cashdrawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the
register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash
from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The
total amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15. (If someone
points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)
7. A thief burst into a Florida bank one day wearing a ski mask
and carrying a gun. Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief yelled,
"FREEZE, MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS A **** UP!" For a
moment, everyone was silent. Then the snickers started. The
security guard completely lost it and doubled over laughing. It
probably saved his life, because he'd been about to draw his gun.
He couldn't have drawn and fired before the thief got him. The
thief ran away and is still at large. In memory of the event, the
banker later put a plaque on the wall engraved with the words,
"Freeze, mother-stickers, this is a ****-up!"
8. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided
that he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window,
grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved
it over his head at the window. The cinderblock bounced back and
hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The
liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was
caught on videotape.
9. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man
grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and
the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the
snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They
put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out
of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he
replied, "Yes, officer, that's her.. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
10. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked
into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a
gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he
couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man
ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for
breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!
11. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home
parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained
for.. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled
up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman
said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged
his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The
owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was
the best laugh he'd ever had.
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